


The Magic Book

by Winmance



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Birthday Presents, Bottom Sam, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Through the Years, Top Dean, date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 05:53:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winmance/pseuds/Winmance
Summary: When Sam is five, Dean gives him a special book : every requests he puts in it will become reality.The notebook appears on and on over the years, with new requests, new desires, new needs, but always, always love.





	The Magic Book

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【翻譯】魔法書](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14927862) by [Smilock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smilock/pseuds/Smilock)



“What is it, Dean?” Sam asks, a wide smile on his face as he looks at the notebook again

“It’s a special book, Sammy” He says, putting his brother back on his lap. “See, you can write in it, and then you let it on… Let say on the table, and the thing you wrote will happen”

Sam mouth falls open and he keeps looking at Dean like he owns the moon, the same look Dean used to give to his dad. He still does, sometimes, but not right now. Not when he has to give a stolen notebook to his five years old brother for his birthday. Their dad promised he would be here, promised he would buy a real present to Sam, but here they are, sitting on an old and dirty couch, alone. Dean wishes he could give Sam a proper birthday, one with big banners, balloons, chocolates cakes and presents, so much presents.

“Thank you, De!” Sam giggles, already writing in his notebook and Dean can’t help but smile because he did this, he made his baby brother happy.

They eat the little cake Dean bought earlier before watching a cartoon, and maybe it’s not the best birthday ever but Sam looks satisfied and it’s all Dean wanted.

He finds the notebook on the table the next morning, and his hands are shaking when he opens it because he has no idea if he will be able to do whatever Sam wrote on it. What if Sam asked for a dog? Or for a house, a home? He won’t be able to do it and he’ll have to live with the disappointed and betrayed look on Sam’s face for the rest of his life.

_“Burritos with marshmallow, Please”_

Dean can’t help but laugh because of course Sam would say please, even to a notebook.

He ignores how weird that request is and while Sam is still asleep, he gets out and goes to the store. Their dad would be pissed if he knew how Dean is using their money, but it doesn’t matter, because when Sam wakes up to burritos with marshmallow, he smiles so wide that Dean is afraid he will get stuck like that forever.

 

 

The notebook appears on and on, with simple requests as _Eating lasagna in the bed_ or _Bubbles bath_ – and yeah, the last one was way funnier than Dean ever thought it will be. Slowly, the notebook appears less and less until they both forget about it, the magic meaning from it disappearing too.

Until nine months after Sam birthday, when dad storms out of the motel room after yelling at Dean, leaving him angry and crying because he failed his dad again, no matter how hard he tries he always end up failing his dad.

The brown notebook is on Sam nightstand, and Dean isn’t sure if he should touch it or not because it’s not where Sam usually put it and maybe it’s not mean for him to read.

Sam is deeply asleep, looking peaceful but Dean can see the traces of tears on his face and he hates himself a little more because he knows he’s the one who put them here. If he had been strong enough, if he hadn’t cried earlier, if he had listen to their dad, Sam wouldn’t have cried.

He takes the notebook and opens it, reading attentively what Sam wrote in it. It’s amazing to see how much his brother writing skills have improved since the last months, and there’s a proud feeling spreading inside of him knowing that he played a big part in it.

_“Make Dean smile”_

It works.

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re going out?” Sam asks, not even lifting his eyes from the book he’s reading.

“Yeah, don’t wait for me alright?” Dean replies, taking the keys of the impala

“As usual”

He doesn’t have to turn around to see how pissed Sam is, but he does anyway, because there’s no reason for Sam to be pissed. They’re 17 and 13 now, way too old to spend all their days and nights together, but Sam apparently can’t wrap his mind around it.

It’s not like they enjoy the time they spend together anyway. All they do now is fighting over everything, from important subject to the way Dean cooked the food, and more than once, they end up with bloody nose and swollen eyes.

Dean knows it’s his fault. He’s trying to fight against the monster inside of him, the one that’s begging him to touch Sam, to kiss him, to mark him and make him his. He’s fighting against it as much as he can because Sam is his brother, the center of his world, the moon of his night, the sun of his day and he will be damned if he ever does something as horrific as what he has in mind.

So, he drinks. And he goes out. And he fights. Because like this, he knows he won’t do anything to Sam. Maybe he’s losing him, maybe Sam will be too tired for his shit soon, but it doesn’t matter: at least, Sam won’t know how much of a freak he is.

“Hey, are you alone?” A girl – Probably 21 or 22- asks Dean as she sits next to him.

She has dark hair- Not as soft as Sam’s- and blue eyes – Not as beautiful as Sam multicolor eyes, the way the blue and the green and the brown are all mixed together to give the most perfect eyes ever- but she’ll make the deal. Everyone that is close enough to Sam will make the deal.

“Not anymore” He smiles, licking his lips seductively.

They don’t spend the night together. They don’t even kiss. She may look like Sam physically, but every time she opens her mouth, there’s another disappointment and soon, Dean isn’t even able to see one light resemblance with Sam. When she puts her hands on his soft dick, he doesn’t feel anything, and he knows he won’t be able to.

He goes back to the motel room, angry against himself, frustrated, and disgusted. How will he be able to live his life, if he can’t get Sam out of his mind?

Sam is already sleeping, and his face isn’t peaceful anymore. He looks angry too, sad even, and Dean knows that he wants to get out of this life, not that he can blame him.

He quickly gets undress and is ready to go to sleep when he sees it – The brown notebook he gave Sam so long ago now. He stopped using it completely when he was 7, and Dean just assumed he lose it somewhere.

He frowns and opens it, reading through the pages, the cute little things Sam asked for, and when he reads the new one, his heart stops.

He reads it again. And again. Just to be sure. Then he closes it again, putting it back in Sam’s bag, before climbing into his brother bed.

He doesn’t know why Sam wrote this. Doesn’t know if it means anything. But it may be his only chance and he won’t ignore it.

“Sammy” He whispers, pushing Sam’s hair away from his face “Sam”

“What?” Sam asks, his voice rough from sleeping.

Dean doesn’t answer, simply leans forward until his lips are pressing against Sam’s, his heart beating so strong in his chest he’s afraid it will run away, and slowly, Sam opens his mouth and starts answering the kiss.

It’s a little messy, but Dean doesn’t care. He’s kissing Sam again, deeply and strongly, until they’re both panting, their hard dicks pressing against each other. He wants to reach out so bad, to take Sam cock in his hands, in his mouth, everywhere. But it’s not what Sam asked.

He kisses him again, a simple kiss on his lips, before walking away.

_Let Dean be my first kiss_

 

 

 

 

 

The notebook appears every week now. For the past two years, it’s always the same request, _Kissing Dean_ , but they don’t talk about it. They pretend that nothing ever happens, but the tension is gone now, and they don’t barely fight anymore.

“Sam, can you stop freaking out? It’s making me freak out” Dean says, trying to take the book away from Sam’s hands

“I need to know this for tomorrow!” He yells, kicking Dean in the abs to get it back “You’re a dick”

“Oh, come on, you know it already” Dean rolls his eyes, falling on the bed “You’ve been working on it for weeks. I promise you know it”

“I don’t know…”

“Well, I’m telling you” He says, walking forward the shower “You need to let it go man. Jerk off or something will I take my shower alright?”

“Dean!” His face his all red with embarrassed and Dean has to fight against the need to kiss him. He’s so beautiful, so freaking cute, it should be forbidden.

He makes sure to take his time in the shower, leaving plenty of time for Sam to do his little business. He’s not sure he’ll do it. Jerking off while your brother is in the other room is pretty complicated, even more when you’re as prude as Sam is, but at least, Sam has some time for himself. They love being together but sometimes, you need to have some time to think alone, to lay down and enjoy the silence.

When he gets out, the shutters are closed, leaving the room in a complete dark. He’s not sure if Sam is sleeping or if he’s just resting, but he chose not to make any sounds just in case.

He’s about to leave the room when he notices something laying on the table. He smiles, knowing that tonight again, he’ll have the right to kiss Sam again.

He still read the request, because he doesn’t want to do something that Sam didn’t ask for, but when he opens it, it’s nothing like what he was excepting.

_Being jerk off by Dean_

The letters aren’t as beautiful as usual, and he can picture Sam shaking will writing this. His cock twists in excitement, and he wonders if he will be able to hold on enough.

He almost run to Sam bed, sliding behind him and judging by the way Sam starts to breath faster, he can feel how hard Dean is, his cock pressing against his ass.

It wasn’t in the request, but Dean starts kissing Sam neck, just to be sure that he’s making it good for his brother, before sliding his hand under his pants.

He wishes there was more light in the room so he would be able to see Sam beautiful cock, but maybe it will be for another time.

He never touched another man, and never been touched by one neither, but the position they’re in allows him to do the same movements he’ll do to himself.

Sam is big, not as big as him, but big enough for Dean to wonder how it will fit in his mouth. He starts moving his hands, using all the techniques he knows he likes, hoping that Sam will love it too.

“Dean” Sam moans, his hips moving to meet Dean’s stroke and pushing his ass against Dean hard on.

Dean closes his eyes and can’t suppress a moan escaping from his mouth. He tries to hide his face in Sam neck, kissing and licking all the skin he can get.

“I- Dean- I’m gonna- “

“Do it baby” Dean whispers, going faster until he can feel Sam tensing under his touch, his whole-body convulsing before he finally comes all over Dean’s hands, his brother name on his lips as he screams.

 They both stay in each other arms for a long time, trying to regain their breath, their heart beating too strong for their own chest. Dean drops one last kiss on Sam neck before slowly getting out of the bed. He wishes he could stay all night, hug Sam a little longer, but he knows that if he stays, they will have to talk about it, the secret of the night becoming too real in the daylight.

 

 

 

After that, Dean finds the notebook every single day, sometimes asking for kisses, sometimes asking for hand jobs, before Sam starts asking for other things: _Being eat out, fingering, riding Dean’s face,_ and too many other things that are dragging Dean completely crazy.

But when he takes the notebook today, he’s surprised to find a new request, one even better than anything they did until then. _Going on a date with Dean_

He can’t stop smiling and can already feel himself blushing like a 12-year-old because this, this little request, proves that Sam isn’t only doing that because he can’t find someone else. This means that Sam likes him, too, as Dean does.

He spends hours wondering how to make a perfect date for Sam, how to show his brother how much he loves him, without having to say it.

“Hey” Sam says, closing the motel room behind him “How was your day?”

“Good. Yours?”

“I got an A in history” He proudly shows his grade to Dean, a wide smile on his face and fuck – Dean wants to take him in his arms and kisses him until they’re both out of breath.

“That’s my boy!” He studies the test carefully, knowing too well how happy it makes Sam to see him taking interest in what he did. “We should go out celebrate, don’t you think?”

There it is. The light in Sam eyes as he realizes that once again, his wishes will become true.

“Can I take a shower first?”

“Sure” Dean laughs, ruffling Sam’s hair “But not too long, alright?”

Sam nods before running to the bathroom, taking the fastest shower he ever took. Ten minutes later, they’re already on their way, the windows of the impala wild open and the music going as loud as possible.

“Here we are” Dean says, stopping the car

“A fairground?! Really?!” Sam giggles, his eyes shinning with stars as he looks at Dean.

He always wanted to go to a fairground, but every time, they were too short on money, too short on time, or they just couldn’t. But not tonight. Because tonight, Dean is gonna make his boy happy.

“So, what do you want to do first?”

“The mirror labyrinth!”

Dean can’t help but laugh at his brother excitement, and he gladly follows him to their first attraction. As soon as they enter the labyrinth, the loud music from outside stopes, the sweet smells disappear, and they’re left alone, out of the world. It’s like walking in another dimension, full of Dean and Sam, looking at each other, staring, hungry for the other mouth, hands, body, soul, and when Dean puts his arms around Sam waist, the mirrors give them their image back. Dean doesn’t know who he’s looking at, if it’s Sam – His Sam, or the reflections in the mirrors but he doesn’t care. He stars kissing him, hot and messy, and his head is as dizzy as the mirrors around them.

“Hey, if you want to make out, go out!” A man yells, making them jump in surprise.

“Sorry” Sam says, his cheeks burning with embarrassment

“It’s hard to resist him” Dean says as an apologize, which owns him a slap from Sam.

They’re both laughing when they run out of the labyrinth, which takes them less than five minutes thanks to Sam skills.

“It was funny” Sam admits, still smiling

“Yeah, because you’re not the one who took a mirror in his face” Sam laughs even more, throwing his head back, and when he’s starting to calm down, Dean takes his hand in his. It’s a small gesture but it’s the first time they hold hands in public, first time they do anything this intimate in the daylight, far away from the protection of their motel room. “You want a teddy bear?” Dean asks, pointing to the shooting stand

“The biggest”

“Of course, hon’”

Sam blushes again and this time, Dean leans on to drop a kiss on his cheek.

He wins Sam the biggest teddy bear, as promise, and he silently thanks his dad for all the training.

After that, they go to the big Wheel, which end up being more about making out than watching the beautiful view.

“You’re cold?”

“No” Sam says, panting and already searching for Dean lips again

“You’re supposed to say yes”

Sam frowns for a moment before smiling and putting his arms around himself.

“I’m cold”

“Oh, why didn’t you say it sooner?” Dean says, taking his jacket off and putting it on Sam’s shoulders “Here, babe, better now?”

“Yeah, thank you”

They both laugh before kissing again, Dean’s too big jacket resting on Sammy shoulders. It’s perfect and everything Dean ever wanted.

“You’re hungry?” He asks once they’re walking away from the Big Wheel

“Kind of”

Dean orders them burgers and sodas before leading them forward the impala.

“We’re going back to the motel?” Sam asks, putting his seatbelt

“Nope. Got another surprise for you”

Dean takes them to another spot, away from all the noise and the people, deep down in the forest.

“You’re gonna kill me?”

“Maybe” Dean smirks, kissing Sam nose

He takes a blanket and puts it on the hood of the impala before inviting Sam to sit next to him. It’s a beautiful night, the air is fresh enough to give them a reason to get closer, and all the light they are is from the moon and the stars.

“Thanks, De” Sam says, resting his head on Dean shoulder as he finishes his burger. “Could you take the paper napkins? I left them in the car”

“Sure” Dean rolls off of the hood, making Sam laughs again. God, he would listen to this sound for the rest of his life if he could.

He takes the paper napkins but notices something laying on his seat. He frowns, wondering what it is before recognizing the notebook. He doesn’t even have to open it to know what is inside. He still does, just to be sure, before coming back next to Sam.

“Here is fine?” He asks, his voice shaking with fear and excitement

“It’s perfect”

If Sam had to choose, he wouldn’t have been able to think of a better place. Because here, in the forest, under the stars, on the hood of the impala, the closest thing to a home they will ever had, it’s the better place to give himself entirely to Dean for the first time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m not running away from our family!” Sam yells to John, “I just want to live my own life, dad. I want to go to college, do something with myself!”

“You think we’re not doing something from ourselves? We’re saving people, Sam! We need to find the thing that kill your mom, we need to-“

“She’s dead! She’s dead and nothing will ever change that!”

Their dad is silent for a moment, all the angriness leaving his face to be replaced by pain and sadness, and Sam wants to take it back, to take the awful words he just told his dad back because there’s no way he’ll be able to live with knowing how much he just hurts his dad.

“If you’re walking through that door, don’t ever come back”

He doesn’t even give one last look to Dean as he walks out.

 

He left.

That’s all Dean can think about days, weeks, months. Sam left. He left him.

He doesn’t know what he did wrong. Doesn’t know how he fucked that too, because they seemed happy. For the past years – so long ago now, they seemed truly happy. They were happy, or at least Dean was. But Sam left without even telling him, without even kissing him. How is he supposed to live without Sam? His whole world turns around Sam, his whole world is Sam. But now, now he’s alone. So, he tries to drown his emotions in alcohol, tries to forget Sam lips, Sam laugh, the way he would smile and talk. Tries to forget everything because it’s better that way.

He’s completely drunk when he finds it, under the seat of the impala. He wonders since when it was here, if Sam putted it before walking away, or right after.

It’s 3 little words and yet, it feels like a punch in the chest, and Dean is even more angry, feels even more betrayed.

_Please, forgive me_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dad is missing, and Jessica die.

_Take me back_

Sam was in love. Or maybe not.

_Make Dean understand that she was never even close to him_

But he still left.

_Tell Dean that I loved him since the very first breath I took_

What is the purpose of having half a soul, anyway?

_Please don’t die. I need you_

Last day together.

_Don’t stop fighting. I’ll find a way to get you back._

Lies, secrets, lies, secrets. Love. Again, and again, for years.

But it’s alright. Because they find their way back to each other again, always have, always will.

There’s too much blood and they both know it. Sam takes him back to the bunker, put him in their bed and lay next to him. If Dean is about to go, he wants to be next to him.

“I have one last request” Sam says, tears in his eyes.

Dean tries to smile but he’s already too weak for that. Sam holds the notebook, so he can see it.

_Wait for me on the other side_

“You’re my other side” He whispers, putting his hand on Sam’s.

Sam turns the page.

_Let me die with you_

“Sammy…”

“Please, Dean” He begs “I can’t live without you. We… I’m tired. I want it too end”

A request is a request.

“I love you”

“I love you, too”


End file.
